Some may think that good and evil are outmoded. Don't be so smug. On a clear day you can still see Dover from Calais. Personally, I prefer Italian porn to art publications, and I shouldn't be wasting my time on a non-profit rag, since I'm broke except for what I can sponge off rich relations to pay my wardrobe and gambling expenses.

Nonetheless, I was aroused by the idea that young writers and artists would go down on me in return for publishing their errata -- ardent young men sucking their way into print. Like Mae West, I like to be visited between the holidays. Having spent a string of art grants on cocaine and car bodywork, I had nothing to lose.

These days I am struggling by as a private investigator without clients, which teaches me to despise the inertia of a reading public so unlikely to commit the crimes it feeds on. If thoughts were deeds, a private investigator would be busier.

In the meantime, I polish my guns and sharpen my knives...

FAT Magazine, Vol. 1 No. 1
Editor-in-Chief Josephine Meckseper